Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Freaking out. stresssssed. Frazzeled. Overwhelmed. Anxiety.
That age old love/hate relationship.
Tension headache. Trying to ... just.breathe.
I just want to crawl in a dark hole.And cry.
How is it that the most simple things can seem/be so hard and seem so out-of-reach?
I feel guilty. Like there is something I can do...and I'm just not doing it. And that something is so easy. But I am completely powerless to achieve it.
My entire body aches. I have been sick for so long I don't even remember what its like to really be healthy. Have to go now. Do laundry. Go through the sorry motions that is my life. I'm alright. I'm okay. I am blessed. Really. Really I am.
I am bored.
I know I am bored, because I have ended up here; typing. And I only come here when A. I am upset,depressed,ect
C.BORED (and have exhausted my two dozen times logging in and out on Facebook& Flickr, with a couple visits to Craigslist.)
Around 8:30 this evening we noticed kid#2 had a strange rash on his stomach and sides so "Man" took him to the E.R to get it checked out. It is now 1:30 in the morning and he just called to say they have still yet to see a Dr.
Kid#1 & #3 are both asleep in kid#1's bed. Even though Kid#3 needs to be moved to his crib. They looked too sweet (I.e still & silent) to disturb. I tried napping on the couch. But just felt restless. So here I am in the dark... typing.
Nothing on the tube. (no cable and its after 1am)
Contemplating doing another layer on my painting. Which sounds promising. Making some tea sounds kinda soothing too. Or maybe some coffee. Yes I know its nearly 2 in the morning but my schedule is quite languid. We have a two hour (easy) job in th eA.m and then no work till Tuesday... So even if I did stay up all night it wouldn't matter to much. I'd just take a nap after work tomorrow. I love that freedom. I swing between feeling blessed and anxious. Because an open schedule also means little or no work and little or no work means little or no money. But somehow we get by. *blessed*
I would truely love to do something more with my creative talents to make a living. *Dream* But seems (feels) pretty plausible (real) to me. I think it can(will) happen. So horror of horrors; I just went to get myself some icecream and saw *GASP* the MAN got Vanilla!!! JUST Vanilla! not vanilla bean/ french vanilla! WHAT WAS HE THINKING??!!!!! This is unacceptable! WHO is this ANIMAL that I have shared my bed with??? This will have to be rectifyed immedietly! Must go now............