Ghost

Another A.M session. Baby won't fall back asleep... He is one year old now. He SHOULD sleep through the night! This is driving me nuts! I haven't been here in a while. Actually that isn't entirely true,, I have at least two or three drafts that I have abandoned. I don't know why... I am feeling this dark hole in the pit of my stomach... like a vacuum sucking .. empty , consuming ache. I feel .. sad. Just right now. Like my fragile self-esteem , and hope has been forgotten in the flowerpot and is withering and drying up. I need a good watering ;) It can dry up so quickly. One day everything is fine, and the next I want to curl up in bed and cry, or yell and scream angrily at any who may pass cheerfully. Sounds like real mental problems.. but there is n't much I can do about that... Not at this time anyway. Maybe.. maybe soon. I am so-o tired. Have to work today.. and the boyfriend works all weekend... I'm frustrated, angry really. I just got over the lack of sleep and becoming sick ,, I was just getting better, and now it seems I am being pushed back down that hellish path again. I guess I am going to have to catch a few Zzz'z on the sofa... hate that.