Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Woke up after maybe an hour of sleep, I see light shining through the crack around the door frame, so I venture out to see who is up raiding the fridge. ... No one. The bathroom light is glaring, and I notice the kitchen light IS on so I go to the kitchen... To find the refridgerator WIDE open and a chair in front of it... but not a soul around... So I put the chair back at the table. Shut the fridge door. Turn off the bathroom light. ANd sit down at the computer with the remainder of the icecream... (A normal night;/ ) (morning?) A few minutes later my sone comes out... Oh so HERES the culprit! AH hah! "Can I go sleep with daddy", he asks.. "wait a minute I answer". Not wanting him to go in our room and wake baby. So he silently disappears. I put the ice cream away turn off the computer and find him in his room in front of the TV with the GameBoy in his hand. Turn it off, I say. He whines. Do you want to come lay down with me or not? He quickly turns everything off and follows me into the bedroom. where we all three squeeze into our queen-size bed. As he fall (quickly ,, he seems to sleep well in mommy and daddy's room) he starts up his jerking. Seizures... He sleeps through them. I can't. The doctor says he is having them pretty much all the time.. As in more often then not. The medicine is STILL not "knocking them out" as the doctor seem to believe it will. *Sigh*.. I still haven't wrapped my head fully around this.... I get up.. and go smoke a cigeratte... irratated with myself... I have been smoking more lately. I dont even like it. It makes me sick .. The taste the smell.. everything... But I guess somewhere in my screwed up head it was once a habit to calm myself and I believe it still should be.. It doesn't calm me.. just makes me ill. Once again I am awake with maybe two hours of sleep ..... it 6:A.M .. really no way I am going back to bed. The alarm goes off at 7:30. So I suppose I will hit the shower and have a cup of coffee.. A much milder version compared to my xtra strength "crack" coffee I kicked my own ass with yesterday. I am exhausted... (hence the lack of any poetic exhertion in this entry) No.. I'm not trying. I'm tired, mildly emotional, and just typing purely for the sake of typing... my new calm. ;) I have more to say... but lack the energy to say it................hopefully I'll be in the mood.. later. :(