Bleed

I'm having a more fucked up night then usual... or is this usual? I lay in bed picking myself raw, and grinding my teeth... After about oh two hours.. of this I got up and went to the kitchen feeling famished. But we have nothing to eat so I am picking at marinated artichoke hearts in a little glass jar and eatting plain croutons and water. Ye-ah. I checked my facebook, nobodys "talked" to me at all today. Don't I feel loved... My mother pulled some more of her shit. I'll try to ignore it.. I'm not doing a very good job of it. I am so tired, and so tired and not being able to sleep. I'v gotten use to it.. as much as one can. But I feel like *s*h*i*t. I want to delete my mother off my facebook, but it seems kinda juvinile. At least I was able to delete my Ex. I was pretty proud of myself about that. Yeah okay I still go and check his page, but give me a break... He IS my sons father. Even if everyone wants to forget this little fact.... I need to go lay down. Hopefully I'll fall asleep this time. Normally I lay down, no matter how tired I am, my eyes pop open and I start clawing at myself. I am a wreck. I hide it well. To well. Please please just let me conpletely lose it in the middle of the grocery store. Please? I want to be hauled away in a ambulance and knocked out........

I was put in a locked mental facility when I was a teenager. Twice.... I want to sleep. And I want someone to see... I'm a mess. Blah... Off to try to sleep again.