Friday, July 23, 2010
I love taking pictures, I love photography, I love making pictures even more beautiful with editing programs and changing lighting and contrast. In the last year my "friend" (she use to be my best friend) somehow became a "professional" photogragher. Now every time I take pictures or talk about photography or pursue my passion I feel like a copycat and a fraud. To the point I truely wondered if I was copying her.... But then today I really started thinking about it... I took photography in HIGHSCHOOL.... having my own DARKROOM has been on my wishlist for ages. I'v loved CAMERAS for as long as I can remember. REMEMBERING all this was a bit redeeming.. but I have to wonder how I could put myself away like that... I have let everyone " put me away" and just smile and say "its okay". What bullshit is that? I can't believe I actually questioned myself... I'm angry.. for feeling like that.. for even wondering.. and for ..... I don't even know how to put it in words at the moment.. I just get angrier and angrier...
How can I so completely FORGET ME? That is more then a little terrifying. If I'm not here for me.. no one else will be.
I need to go to bed now :) peace & ♥