Tuesday, May 4, 2010
My chest is tight, my stomach in knots. Anxiety. Why? I don't really know. I ask my self this question all the time. Sometimes it helps... a little, for a brief moment. But not really. I'm trying to find a reason for this feeling ,this uncomfortable sensation. Because if I only had a reason, a cause.. I could then begin working on a solution. I think of different causes and dismiss them. I can't sleep. I feel lonely. Stressed. Exhausted. I want to cry , and then I get angry. Angry mostly at my boyfriend. I have all kinds of reasons I truely feel are excellent reasons to be angry at him. But perhaps when it comes down to it , it is only this nagging burning churning anxiety, that makes me so tired... everything else on top of it (Life?) makes it worse and almost unbearable. And nobody understands... Not that I really have many to talk to about it. Or that I feel safe trying to explain it to. I try to control it all.. all by myself. I try to come up with solutions.. be healthier.. exercise , write, ectera. But I to tired to really follow through completely or regularly. So I get even more anxious, trying to do everything I need and WANT to do, running in circles... and essentially doing squat. Tomorrow it will be better. Tomorrow I will try harder..... My chest is tight, my stomach in knots.