Four:thirty in the morning. I'm waiting for baby to actually be completely Quiet (asleep) for more then five minutes so I can finally go lay down. I'm exhausted. The last 24 hours of wrung me. Although I always keeping going, I swear the damn energizer bunny doesn't have anything on me ;/. But I dont want to. The birds are chirping now. Baby is still silent. Good. The alarm will go off in three hours to get my daughter up for Sunday school. She goes with Great gramma every sunday.
All day yesterday the anxiety was hell. My mother finally commented at about one thirty in the morning and then deleted me from Facebook. Nice. I'v been in tears for about an hour now. And pretty much feeling abandoned and hurt and disappointed.... My entire body and head ache from exhaustion, tears and sadness. But... strangely aside from the discomfort of exhaustion ectera. I'm okay. Good even. Swaying a little. Going over and over myself in my head , looking from every angle.. trying to figure it all out. questioning my self and then screaming "FUCK YOU".... I'm not wrong! don't tell me how I FEEL is WRONG! Damn YOU!
I think baby is asleep now. I'm going to bed. Everything will be fine.... I have to become me. This is exactly what I need, AND WANT. I'm sad it has to happen like this.. but I knew it did to begin with.....
I hope it rains today............
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