ANother bad night. I want to scream silently in to the pillows and tear the couch to shreds with my nails. Instead I tore up my skin and have blood under my nails.... I am So-o tired.. I sat in bed barely able to keep my eyes open or hold my head up,, yet I can't sleeep. Everyone else is asleep.. so I have no excuses at the moment. I want to cry .... I want to sleep.... NOW.
I haven't heard from my father in 3 months on the 1st. And my mother will be three weeks this weekend. Boyfriend is talking about moving. A different apartment In-Town that is nicer. I fantasize about moving and nobody knowing where I'm at. Not needing anyones help.....
i check my moms facebook.. but it hurts.. I don't know why I do.
I'm obsessed with checking my ex's (sons father)... But even though its an obsession .. and I check his multiple times a day. I feel better. It kinda makes me laugh. And realize it wasn't my fault......
I'm losing my mind... or maybe just more..... haven't I always begged for this? It doesn't seem to make any difference.
I'm going to try to sleep again.
Funny.. I believe I'v felt worse in the past.... I'm really not as bad as it sounds.. I'v just figured out how to get the words out a little better now then I had then.... To think I was worse though..............................
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